The grief it lingers, it comes in waves, just when you think it has passed it comes washing over you again drowning you, drowning your heart, your lungs gasping for air, the weight of it all filling every cell in your body. The heaviness of it all pinning you down, enveloping you. There is nothing you can and so you just sit with it. Just trying to breathe, just trying to survive. For what feels like forever you can not move, you can not breathe. You are completely at its mercy.
And just when you think you can not take another moment of it the wave that washed over you starts to subside, it starts to draw back.
Slowly you can breathe again, the grip around your throat slowly releases, the hand of grief slowly loosens it's suffocating grip on your lungs and heart.
You draw a breath.
You draw another breath and fill your lungs, you feel your heart beat again inside your rib cage.
And you know for now it will all be ok, but you will wait for the next wave to wash over you, knowing it will come inevitably, sometimes when you least expect it - mid laughing with friends, on the way to work, while out at dinner - it really has it's own agenda with no concern for what you are doing with your life.
But for now you breathe again, you feel, you appreciate the blueness of the sky and the warmth of the sun on your skin, the sound of your loved ones talking and laughing.